Dear Penny: Letters to our Child #13

As always, click the "Dear Baby Series" tag at the bottom of the post for all the letters I've written to our baby, including the ones I wrote before our baby was conceived. Thanks for sharing this special journey with me :)

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Dear Baby Penny, 7/27/13

Just call mommy a slacker! I have SO much to write about since I’m a little behind. Telling your grandparents about you was a LOT of fun. There was tons of joy and some happy tears. Everyone loves you so much already! Here is the picture from when we surprised Gammy and Gampy on the 4th of July. They had NO clue we were coming and no clue we were pregnant... Gammy was waiting on me to give her the surgery date (to check for endometriosis)!

What else? Well, I’ve been a nervous wreck. I’m a worrier by nature, but it has been on overdrive. Luckily daddy researches every little thing that makes me nervous so that I can see that it can be normal. And I have wonderful friends who pray for me and encourage me to pray. I thank God for you every time I use the bathroom and there is no blood! If people talked more about early pregnancy, it would probably be less nerve wracking. No one told me that I’d have menstrual like cramps for weeks and weeks and that it is totally normal!

Daddy and I went to a mini high school reunion last weekend (just my close group of friends from high school). I wasn’t planning on announcing you there because I wanted to wait for 12 weeks. But after the THIRD person asked me, not “when do you want to have kids?” which I could have truthfully answered with “sometime next year”, but “When are you going to start TRYING?” which there was no way to truthfully answer, I began (happily) crying and announced you. To everyone at the community pool. Oops. Mommy talks loud when excited. I guess you already know that.

That following Tuesday (23rd) we saw you on ultrasound. Unfortunately, the moment was completely ruined for me when the doctor said “I’m not getting the length I’m wanting” meaning you are a little short. He followed it up with “Ultrasounds can be 4 days off. Everything is on track.” but all I could think about is “is the baby not growing right????” and I panicked. You measured 7w3d at 7w6d so I’m hoping our date is off by one day (which I do think it is) and that maybe you implanted a bit late. BUT we saw your teensy flickering heartbeat so that really did help me feel better. It took me until the next day to calm down about the growth thing and just look at you in the picture. And then I almost cried. You are the sweetest little shrimp looking baby in the world!

Since that appointment, my symptoms have basically been MIA. That has me very freaked out. I read about 50/50 saying that it’s normal and then that it points to miscarriage. From our super thorough research, we know that our chances of losing you after 8 weeks and seeing your heartbeat is only 1.5% (I guess as compared to all other pregnant women 8 weeks + heartbeat), and that does make me feel somewhat better... but if my symptoms aren’t back by daddy’s next day off (this coming Thurs) I think I will call the doctor.

I hope I’m not this anxious when you are in my arms as when you are in my belly. But I’ve got to tell you baby.... no such luck. I just love you SO MUCH!

Love,

Mommy