Felicity Marian: 5 Months

*Cough* Oh what's that? This is 5 days late? Yeah, that's because on her 5 month "birthday" I was too busy writing about mom guilt to remember to post her monthly update. Sorry, kid! It's all downhill from here :P. So here you have it, 5 days late.

Weight: Over 14 lbs!!! I don't have the exact number because daddy was the one with her when she got weighed and you know daddies and details don't mix well.

Height: 24 inches last time I checked so maybe 25 now?

Medical issues: Well, this technically happened after I would have written this post, but poor baby got her first illness! It started Tuesday night (although we didn't realize that until Wednesday morning... rookies!) and she's STILL sick now on Friday. My poor girl :(. She also had a 3rd lip and tongue tie revision a little over a week ago. It's been a rough time for my sweet baby!!! She wouldn't let us do the stretches at all this time (well, she would, but then she wouldn't eat and that's no bueno). 

Sleep: Ok, when I complain, it's because she's less of a good sleeper but really we are very blessed. She has been harder to get to bed and has been waking up a bit more but mostly revolving above stated medical issues. She's still not the best napper unless I'm right there with her, but there have been a few times I've been able to get up and get stuff done (or sit!) while she naps. 

Clothes/Diaper Size: She's too big for 3 mo clothes and can wear some 6 mo clothes while others are still too big. She's in size 2 diapers when she's in disposable. Last time I said I was pretty sure she'd be higher than 5th percentile at her appointment. Yeah, she was 25th! She blew 5th right out of the water!

Likes: stacking cups, oh my goodness does she love them!!!, electronic toys much to my dismay, sitting in her kitchen chair, the johnny jumper, books, nursing to sleep

Dislikes: mommy leaving during naps, not having me with her during play time, pacifiers, bed time

Nicknames: Minka (from Stinka Minka), Tinky (also from Stinka Minka), Monkey, Baby Daughter 

Milestones: She can sit up for longer periods of time before falling over. Felicity went on her first road trip to NY to visit family and Godparents! We drove overnight both ways and she slept the ENTIRE 10-12 hours! She now recognizes what her bottle is for. 

I don't want to forget this: Felicity is REALLY hard to get a laugh from. My parents visited last weekend and my dad got her laughing SO hard! It was the most precious thing ever. He was just tickling her tummy with a mountain dew bottle and she was in a fit of giggles! Luckily I got it on video. I kind of want to forget this now that I know it was because she was sick, but the first night she was sick (before we knew it) she sat in Steven's lap and listened to books for probably 20 minutes. It was the sweetest thing! I also don't want to forget that she finally FINALLY will go in something besides the ring sling! Not only does she let me wear her in the mei tai now, but she also falls asleep in it! Guess what that means? STEVEN CAN PUT HER TO SLEEP SOMETIMES NOW! Freeeeeeeeeeeedom! Having said that, it kind of makes me sad, too :P. 

Letting Go of the Mom Guilt (Or Trying To)

I've always heard of mom guilt... in jokes, serious conversation, and passing stories. I never knew how real mom guilt was until I became a mom! And we're talking 4 very short months here, so I can only imagine how much mom guilt more experienced parents have dealt with. There is guilt about almost every. little. thing. you do. I've quickly realized that my sanity is more important, and that I will enjoy this parenting adventure a lot more if I can just let go of the guilt. I'm going to call it like I see it. Sometimes, as moms, we do things we aren't super proud of, or we always said we'd never do, and that's just life. I learned that the quickest way for me to do something is to declare, especially publicly, that I'll never do it. Eating your words isn't fun. So now I try to say what I'd like to do or what we'll ideally do, and leave plenty of room for flexibility.

I said my kid would never get formula. Well, that was before chronic low supply, > than 10% weight loss, and tongue and lip tie were thrown at me on day 2. She had formula along with the teeny amount of breast milk I was making until she was 2 weeks old when I was able to source enough donor milk to get her back to being exclusively breast fed. Guess what? She lived! We may have to transition back to some formula depending on how much milk donations we can get, and I know she will be just fine (even if I cry the first bottle lol).

I constantly have guilt over missing pumps (mostly due to my sweet little girl not being able to handle more than 10 minutes without my undivided attention). I still somewhat struggle with this but I look at it this way... is it more important for her to have as much of my milk as possible (yes, important) or the time and comfort she needs from her mommy? To me, the latter is more important so if she's screaming like a banshee, the pump will wait (sadly the plugged ducts won't so I try to keep as much to my pump schedule as possible).

I said my baby wouldn't watch any tv until 2. I would like to stick as closely to this as possible, mainly for the effects it can have on their brain.... not because I want a mom badge. BUT going back to missing pumps, my baby LOVES THE TV. I basically keep it off all the time now because there is no way to have it on for background without her gluing herself to it. BUT if I'm about to miss a 2nd pump in a row and want to avoid aforementioned plugged ducts (and even lower supply than normal), you better believe I have turned the tv on for a few minutes here or there to distract her.

I said I'd wear my baby all the time because it's better for their physical and social development. I do wear her a lot, and I actually really love wearing her.... but... wearing a baby in the summer is HOT. Yes, I have a summer fabric. STILL HOT. Sometimes it is so nice to plop her in the stroller when we go for walks! And sometimes getting the stroller out is no more work than wrangling her into the sling. So hey, if a stroller makes life easier sometimes, then stroller it is.

Basically, I could sit... and have sat!... and stress over all these things, feel guilty, and think I'm not a good enough mom. But I am quickly learning that it is so not worth it. I enjoy my vocation a lot less when I'm sitting here grading myself on my performance. And I enjoy it a lot more when I just snuggle my baby :) .

A Day in the Life of a Mom and Wife

I've had people ask me why I rarely blog anymore. It's not that I don't have time; it's that I'm not choosing to blog with the time I have. My "me time" comes in small chunks, so it seems like I can barely start a thought and I'm needed elsewhere. Or I just want to veg my brain out more than blogging will allow when I have some quiet time. Or I have piles of laundry, tidying, cleaning, and organizing staring me down. I miss blogging, and I was really looking forward to documenting more of this stage of life to wistfully look back on, but for right now it's sitting on the back burner along with thoroughly cleaning the house :P. When Felicity is a little older, I'm hoping to pick it back up. But instead of writing about all the cute things she's doing, I'm choosing to just absorb it and be present in it right now, for the most part. 

But in case you wondered "What does she do all day?", here's a day in the life for me these days (times are very, very approximate). I keep thinking "boy, I'd love to get a routine down", but when I start thinking about it, I *do* have a routine, just maybe not the one I thought I'd have by now. But I'm enjoying life and the baby is happy, so the rest can wait :).

This blissful crib nap (her 2nd so far) lasted a whole 20 minutes!

8am: wake up; Felicity and I wake up together usually (woot, woot cosleeping). I give her a bottle and then try to get her to be happy on her play mat long enough for me to pump, or sometimes backwards depending on how long she nursed... she likes to nurse from about 6am on. If I wake up first, I rush out to pump before she gets up, then give her a bottle. Then I make and eat breakfast quickly and spend time with her on the mat playing and reading. 

9ish am: put Felicity in the swing for a nap. Try to shower and pump again while she's sleeping. Give her a bottle when she wakes up and, if I wasn't able to pump before that, try at that point. If I'm going walking with the neighbor, I do it around 9 and the nap/shower happens closer to 9:30.

11am: a bottle somewhere between the 10-11 hour, sometimes an activity like story time at the library but more often than not still trying to get my bearings for the morning... finally drying my hair or putting in a load of laundry, and keeping the baby happy. I might put her in the jumper to buy some time to get things done.

12/1: try to pump again, eat lunch, and another bottle for Felicity, and try her for another nap. Both this and the 9ish nap are pretty short- maybe 40 min to an hour. She usually falls asleep in the swing so I just do whatever I can get done quietly.

2ish: pump again, bottle at some point, and try to go somewhere. Either run errands, a fun activity, etc. It's usually this point in the day before I feel put together enough to leave the house! Bottle at some point.

2:30/3/4ish: what I call a 'nursie nap' for Felicity. She nurses to go down for a nap and won't sleep without me there. So I either nap with her, play on my phone while she naps (both of these in bed), or set us up on the couch, her on the nursing pillow, so I can watch a little tv while she naps. This used to annoy me, but now I enjoy the cuddles with her and the forced down time for myself.

4/5: I sometimes watch Ellen, pump/bottle routine, and usually Felicity goes on the mat or in the jumper while I do a couple more chores.

5/6: Steven gets home and takes over with the baby so I can pump and get dinner going or finished. She gets a bottle. If we bathe her (um... every once in a while) we do it then.

7-7:30: I nurse Felicity down to bed. 

8ish: pump, and we both have a bit of down time. 

9: together time! Talk, play games, watch a show, and usually eat ice cream :).

10: last pump of the night (well, until 1am and 4am!) and bed!