Dear Baby: Letters to our Future Child #5

This is the 5th letter in a series of letters I have been writing to our future child as we go through the process of dealing with subfertility/infertility that began in January. If you want to read the others, simply click the "Dear Baby Series" tag at the bottom of this post. 

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Dear Baby, 05/09/2013

It’s been a rough day. It started with some pregnancy announcements. I never wanted to be that person who was bitter about them, but it does make my heart ache a little. I feel a lot of pressure this time around because I know surgery is looming around the corner if it doesn’t happen...that and the fact that my peak day falls on Mother’s Day, which is both ironic and bitter sweet. Then I was preparing for my bible study tonight, and the story was about Rachel, her infertility, and how she ‘should’ have responded to God. Good reflection any other day, probably, but today it made me want to cry. Well, I did cry, right onto your daddy’s supportive shoulder. He is such a rock for me, even when he doesn’t quite understand the depth of my emotions. We are praying a beautiful prayer to JPII this cycle, and it feels really powerful- especially the part where we ask God to fill my womb with the beating heart of a tiny baby. It gets me every time. I continue to tell myself that you will come to our family when and how you should, and that I have to trust in that. It’s hard, but repeating that mantra does give me some peace. Love you.

Love,

Mommy