Family Guidelines

Because I like the word 'guidelines' better than 'rules' :) Some of these came about after lots of thoughtful conversation, and some of these have always been unspoken and are just the way we do things. I think all families probably have some of each and I'd love to hear yours in the comments! Every family is unique, so of course what works or is right for one family may not be for another. The other disclaimer I must add is that things change and families adapt. These are our family guidelines that we've developed over the first year of being married; some came with growing pains and some just fell into place. I think it'll be interesting to look back on this at 5 or 10 years from now to see what things have changed and what has remained the same! This is, of course, not an exclusive list.

• Dinner is at the table together. Steven works weird hours sometimes, but we make every effort to still have dinner together. We'll have to adapt once we have children, but for now it works because I can be flexible about dinner (though it requires more snacks the nights he works later!). We find time at the dinner table really important, so it works for us right now. We almost never have breakfast together because our schedules are too different in the morning, and one or both of us is almost always at work during lunch, so dinner is our meal time to connect. There is usually one night a week Steven works til 11pm and that's the only night we miss dinner. And I miss it when we do!

• Go to bed together. I don't put "always" because there have been a handful of times where one person just isn't tired. In that case, our guideline is that the non-tired person still gets in bed, but will play on their computer, read, or whatever. We love going to bed together and it probably has to do with our love languages. Mine is physical touch and Steven's is quality time. Having some time to cuddle, even if the one person may stay up a while, is really important to both of our love languages. 98% of the time we do go to bed together and there is something so comforting about always going to sleep with my spouse, especially since we rarely wake up together (due, again, to work schedules). Luckily it works for us because we are both flexible about having a little extra or a little less sleep depending on the other person's needs. It just works so I'm sure that's why it has stuck.

• Spouse before anyone else. I never wanted to be the person who 'had to check with their husband' before doing something. But now I realize the value of that. I love knowing that he puts me first in his decisions and that I do the same. It's not asking permission, which is how I used to view it pre-marriage, but rather giving the consideration that your spouse comes first. This is probably a time to point out again that what works for one couple may not work for another. If you don't do it this way, that doesn't make you wrong or me wrong ;). 

• We set aside time for 'together time' every single night. Together time is basically anything where we aren't on our computers doing our own separate thing. It could be a date, a car ride, a show together on Netflix (though that one stretches it a tiny bit), a cuddle and convo in bed, board games, or a walk around the neighborhood. We can both kill hours on the computer in our own little world, so it's important for us to carve out time to really be together. As you may have noticed, "together" is one of my favorite words! 

So, if you want, share one of yours! I love to see what makes families tick and what works for other couples!